im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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