Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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