Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
