Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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