JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize