the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
