She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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