do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Too much gin, very little bucket
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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