Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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