Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
