Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
