You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
