I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
