If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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