Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can vaginas get frostbite?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
