I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have aggressive nipples.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize