and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
