Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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