thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
