The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
