when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize