Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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