I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
