Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
