Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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