There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
