I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize