it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We are all done wearing pants today
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
