What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
