I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
