Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
