I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
