Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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