i can't believe i had my finger in that
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
