Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Randomize
