you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
