Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
