I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
