people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
