I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
