Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
