You can't special order awesome
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
