Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
