Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
