I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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