Whod you bang
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
