Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
