You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
