You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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