i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
