If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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