Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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