Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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