just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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