Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
