Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the high leading the old right now
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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