i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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