More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Randomize
