dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
