Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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