Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize