Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
