tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
