i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
