Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
