I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
