I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
