People in love make me want to vomit
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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