I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
