i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
