I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
