Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
