TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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