I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize