Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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